读出字里行间 - Reading between the lines

（Jeniffer 去世前与主人公在医院的最后时刻）
........

That evening, she kicked me out of the room. She wanted to speak to her father 'man to man.'那天晚上，她(珍妮佛-女主人公)让我离开房间，她要和她父亲做一次大人之间的谈话。

'This meeting is restricted only to Americans of Italian descent,' she said, looking as white asher pillows, 'so beat it, Barrett.' “这个会议只局限于意大利后裔的美国人”，她说，“离去吧，巴雷特”  - 这个会议指珍妮和父亲菲力(phil)的谈话。

'Okay,' I said. “好的”，我说。

'But not too far,'she said when I reached the door.“不要走远了”，当我走到门口时，她说到。

I went to sit in the lounge. Presently Phil appeared. 我去到休息间坐着等，很快看到Phil过来了。

'She says to get your ass in there,' he whispered hoarsely, like the whole inside of him was hollow.'I'm gonna buy some cigarettes.'“她说让你过去”，他低声说着，声音嘶哑，好像是在一个山洞中。“我去买烟去。”   ---- get your ass in there, 把屁股挪过去。

'Close the goddamn door,' she commanded as I entered the room. “把该死的门关上”，当我进屋时，她命令到。
I obeyed, shut the door quietly,and as I went back to sit by her bed, I caught a fuller view of her. I mean,with the tubes going into her right arm, which she would keep under the covers.I always liked to sit very close and just look at her face, which, however pale, still had her eyes shining in it. 我按她的要求安静地把门关上，回到她床边坐下，全面仔细地看她。我是说，她的右臂上插着一些管子，这些管子把她遮住了。我总是喜欢坐在她身边，就只是看着她。此刻她的面孔有点苍白，眼睛依然闪亮。

So I quickly sat very close. 我坐到她身边，紧靠着她。

'It doesn't hurt,Ollie, really,' she said. 'It's like falling off a cliff in slow motion, you know?' “不要紧，奥利弗”，她说，“就像是用慢动作从悬崖上坠落，知道吗？”

Something stirred deep in my gut. Some shapeless thing that was going to fly into my throat and make me cry. But I wasn't going to. I never have. I'm a tough bastard, see? I am not gonna cry. 有些东西在我肚子里搅动，好像有无形的东西要飞到我的嗓子，让我哭泣。但我不能哭，不应哭。瞧，我就是个完完全全的混蛋，我不会哭。

But if I'm not gonna cry, then I can't open my mouth. I'll simply have to nod yes. So I nodded yes.但是如果不哭出来，我无法张嘴说话。我只有简单地点头说是。于是我点了点头。

'Bullshit,' she said. “狗屎”，她说。

'Huh?' It was more of a grunt than a word.“嗯？”她只是嘟囔一下。

'You don't know about falling off cliffs, Preppie,' she said. 'You never fell off one in your god damn life.'“你不知道从悬崖上掉下来是怎么回事，预科生。”她说道。“在你该死的生活中，你又从来没有掉下去过。”

'Yeah,' I said,recovering the power of speech. 'When I met you.'“是”，我说，我已经恢复了语言能力，“在我遇到你之前”

'Yeah,' she said, anda smile crossed her face. ''Oh, what a falling off was there.' Who said that?' “是”，她说，脸上一片笑容。“哦，那是多大的差距啊 - 那是谁说得？”

'I don't know,' I replied. 'Shakespeare.' “我不知道，”我回答到，“莎士比亚。”

'Yeah, but who?' she said kind of plaintively. 'I can't remember which play, even. I went to Radcliffe,I should remember things. I once knew all the Mozart Köchel listings.' “是啊，还有谁？”她用平静地神态说道。“我都不知道是谁在演戏。我到了拉德克利夫，我应该能记得的，我曾经记得完整的莫扎特的清单。”

'Big deal,' I said.“了不起”，我说。

'You bet it was,' she said, and then screwed up her forehead, asking, 'What number is the C MinorPiano Concerto?'“你敢赌？”她说道，眉头皱了起来，问道。“C小调刚琴协奏曲的编号是多少？” ---- 指莫扎特的C小调钢琴协奏曲No24吧？

'I'll look it up,' Isaid.“我查一下”，我说。

I knew just where.Back in the apartment, on a shelf by the piano. I would look it up and tell herfirst thing tomorrow.我知道在哪里，回到公寓，在钢琴边上的书架上。我要看一下，明天第一件事告诉她。

'I used to know,'Jenny said, 'I did. I used to know.'“我以前记得，”珍妮说道，“真的，我以前记得。”

'Listen,' I said,Bogart style, 'do you want to talk music?'“听着，”我用鲍加的语调说到，“你要谈论音乐吗？” --- Humphrey Bogart，美国电影演员。

'Would you prefer talking funerals?' she asked.“难道你准备谈葬礼？”她问道。

'No,' I said, sorry for having interrupted her.“不，”我说，很后悔打断了她的话题。

'I discussed it with Phil. Are you listening, Ollie?' “我跟菲力说过了。你在听吗，奥利？”

I had turned my face away. 我把脸转到了一边。

'Yeah, I'm listening,Jenny.'“是的，珍妮，我在听。”

'I told him he could have a Catholic service, you'd say okay. Okay?' “我告诉他可以按照天主教的仪式办理，你同意吧。好不？”

'Okay,' I said.“好。”我说到。

'Okay,' she replied.“好。”她重复到。

And then I felt slightly relieved, because after all, whatever we talked of now would have to be an improvement. 我感到有点点释然，无论如何，后面的谈话都不会有所改变了。

I was wrong. 我错了。

'Listen, Oliver,'said Jenny, and it was in her angry voice, albeit soft. 'Oliver, you've got to stop being sick!' “听着，奥利，”珍妮说道，她的声音尽管很柔，但几乎要愤怒了，“奥利，你不能再这样消沉了。”

'Me?'“我？”

'That guilty look on your face, Oliver, it's sick.'“看看你脸上的土灰样，太消沉了。”

Honestly, I tried to change my expression, but my facial muscles were frozen.老实说，我想尽可能表现好点，可是面部肌肉总好像僵了一样。

'It's nobody's fault,you preppie bastard,' she was saying. 'Would you please stop blaming yourself!' “这不是谁的错，你个破预科生，”她在一直说，“不要再责怪自己了。” ----

I wanted to keep looking at her because I wanted to never take my eyes from her, but still I had to lower my eyes, I was so ashamed that even now Jenny was reading my mind so perfectly.我想一直看着她，不想把我的目光从她身上移开，但我还是不得不低下头，我感到如此难过，珍妮这个时候还是那样关心我。

'Listen, that's the only goddamn thing I'm asking, Ollie. Otherwise, I know you'll be okay.'“听着，那是我唯一想知道的事。奥利，我知道，你一定会没事的。”

That thing in my gut was stirring again, so I was afraid to even speak the word 'okay.' I just looked mutely at Jenny.我的肠胃再次翻搅起来，甚至再也说不出一个“没事的”。我只有静静地看着珍妮。

'Screw Paris,' she said suddenly.“Screw Paris”, 她突然说道。

'Huh?' “嗯？”

'Screw Paris and music and all the crap you think you stole from me. I don't care, you sonovabitch.Can't you believe that?' “Screw Paris 和音乐和其他你想从我这里偷到的杂碎，我都不在乎，你个混蛋。你不相信吗？”

'No,' I answered truthfully. “不，”我老实回答道。

'Then get the hell out of here,' she said. 'I don't want you at my goddamn deathbed.'“不信就从这里滚出去，”她说，“我不想你在这里给我送葬。”

She meant it. I could tell when Jenny really meant something. So I bought permission to stay by telling a lie: 她说的是真的。我清楚地知道珍妮的意思，于是我要说谎，以便留下来。

'I believe you,' I said.“我信你”，我说。

'That's better,' she said. 'Now would you do me a favor?' “那样最好”，她说，“好，现在给我帮个忙好吗？”

From somewhere inside me came this devastating assault to make me cry. But I withstood. I would not cry. I would merely indicate to Jennifer - by the affirmative nodding of myhead - that I would be happy to do her any favor whatsoever.我突然感到一种毁灭性打击让我要哭出来。但我忍了，我不要哭。我肯定地向珍妮点点头 - 不管她说什么我都会照着做。
'Would you please hold me very tight?' she asked. “紧紧抱着我，好吗？”她问道。

I put my hand on her forearm - Christ, so thin - and gave it a little squeeze. 我把手放在她小臂上 - 天啊，这么消瘦 - 稍稍用力。

'No, Oliver,' she said, 'really hold me. Next to me.' “不，奥利”，她说，“真的抱着我，靠着我。”

I was very, very careful - of the tubes and things - as I got onto the bed with her and put my arms around her. 我非常小心，非常小心 - 那么多管子还有其它 - 到床上，用双臂抱着她的身体。

'Thanks, Ollie.'“谢谢，奥利”

Those were her lastwords. 这是她留下的最后的话。